You Wanna Stick What.....Where?

Ana and I were in the midst of planning our long overdue day at the best spa ever. We're talking about the different services and she's asking about what services are the best. Angela gets into the mix and we decide that all of us are going to go. Angela takes a look at the list and of course, her crazy ass spots the option to vejazzle. Umm...WHAT THE HELL? That can't be what we think it is. We immediately took to Google. It definitely was!

Urban Dictionary.com defines vejazzle: To give the female genitals a sparkly makeover so as to enhance their appereance.

WHO THE HELL CAME UP WITH THIS?!? I bet it was those damn Kardashians! Smh. When the hell did people start to care what a vagina looks like and whether or not it was shiny? How many people actually look at a vagina before attacking it? (I'm LMAO right now.) The crazier thing is, it's actually very pretty!

While it was pretty much the running joke for the rest of our night, some questions did arise:

1. How does one perform everyday functions with a crotch full of crystals?

2. How does one effectively have any kind of sex, with a crotch full of crystals?

3. How long does something like that last?

4. How painful is it, if at all?

And if that wasn't enough, there is a whole website, dedicated to vejazzling. Not to be outdone by women, the fellas are involved in this movement as well but they call it pejazzling. Talk about your rough sex. I cannot IMAGINE!!! Oh the horror!

Happy Thanksgiving, Folkses

Turkey and collard greens and mac & cheese, OH MY. Thanksgiving is upon us. Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Happy Thanksgiving. Hopefully you get to spend time with those you hold dear and eat lots of delicious food and cake. Here's to putting on your favorite elastic waist band pants and chowing down.

"Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty." --Michael Dresser

Service With A Smile....

I went out to dinner last night. The place was packed. The host was comical.The food was tasty and our waitress was less than thrilled with her job. All of that is beside the point.

The tables were close. Maybe a little too close. You could literally eaves drop on a conversation without even trying. Eventually, a family got seated at the table next to mine. Oh man. The waitress that was servicing our section was named Mary. There was another waitress, we'll call her Peg that must have been familiar with this family. So familiar that she wanted EVERYONE to know it. She was all up in these peoples business.ALL UP IN IT. She was telling the daughter to Facebook her. Um....Peg. You're middle aged and she's in her early 20s. Why are you on FB and more importantly, why do you need to be FB friends? She was trying to hook the daughter up with her son. She gave this girl his whole schedule and was pretty much trying to sell her kid. ("He's so sweet, kind and handsome. He told me, 'Mom, you're me best friend.' He's like a big ole teddy bear.") She then goes on to tell her about some fat friend that her son has that's in love with him but he only digs her as a friend. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was completely distracted from the conversation I was having because I was too busy laughing, thinking about how this was perfect blog material. She all but sat down and joined them. This lady was relentless. (Side note: I would have been pissed if she were my waitress. She was too busy trying to set her son up instead of worrying about her patrons dining experience.) She was too much.

My dinner companion said, "I bet you're going to blog about this." LMAO. How could I not? She just made it so easy. I couldn't stop laughing. She was inviting herself to their Thanksgiving, basically made reservations for them to come back next Thursday and told the daughter to sit at the bar so she could chat with the son all night. Come to think of it, she spoke more to the daughter than she did to the parents. **creepy**

I've heard of service with a smile but damn. This lady was serving up way more than that!