I'm A Smart Ass, Hear Me Roar

I'm the same person, everyday. A sarcastic ass through and through. When I do or don't like something, I let people know. Over the years, as I've matured, I've learned when and what to filter. That being said, my character still doesn't change.

It's come to my attention that I know way too many two faced people. I don't know why or how these individuals found themselves in my life but they've gotta get the hell out and fast. I don't like when people claim to dislike others one day but are smiling all up in their face when they'll reap some benefit. Really? That's so corny! You know you don't like them so why the hell are you pretending?  Don't do that. Especially, if you're going to turn around and talk the same ole shit, after all is said and done.

If I don't like you, I don't like you. I'm not going to pretend to. Chances are, you'll know that I'm pretending. (Ha ha. It's true though.) I'll most likely be civil (cause I'm not going to be blatantly rude) but you won't be getting a warm tingly feeling from me.

What really kills me is that a lot of people are walking around talking about being real and keeping it 100. HA!! Save it.

You Can Do Better

This past weekend was an eventful one, to say the very least. My friends and I went to a "party" that was subpar. Little did we know how hilarious the night would end up.

Because the party was subpar, we decide that we were going to play the "bar" very heavily, to make it through the night. The bar was limited in selection and was staffed by two women who seemed like they loathed their jobs. (Pissy bartenders are the worst!) I was in line for at least 20 minutes, waiting to get my SoCo and lime and start chatting with the other thirsty patrons in line. We became quite the friendly bunch, referring to the bar as The Promise Land and trying to tell the ancient officer doing crowd control at the bar to relax, we weren't going to mob the bar. All we wanted was drinks!

I'm out of line, waiting for my friend who was right behind me, to get her drinks. This guy named Jedi (yeah, I said the same thing) comes up to me.
           Him: Can I tell you, you're looking really good tonight?
               Me: Thank You.
               Him: I mean, I'm sure you were looking good yesterday.
               Me: (insert uncontrollable laughter here)
               Him: So what's your name?
               Me: Nichole
               Him: My name is Jedi.
               Me: You mean, like a Jedi knight? Like Star Wars. (more laughter)
               Him: So....can I.....
               Me: (breathing a sigh of relief) Well, my friend is coming. It was nice chatting, gotta go.

It took me a good few minutes to regain my composure after that exchange. Fast forward to a much more jumping bashment party a few hours later.

Him: Hello dahlin', what's yah name?
Me: Kellee
Him: I'm Mahlon.
Me: Nice to meet you.
Him: So, you eh got no man here, eh?
Me: No, I came with a group of friends.
Him: So...wha ya say, we talk, hang out, maybe spend ah little time. Ya know, no strings attached.
Me: Yeah, um no. I like strings. Especially at this point, age.

If this is the best lines guys are coming with, it's no wonder there are so many single women out there. Fellas....you can do better than that. LMAO.