Is She Giving Birth or Taking A Shit?

I HATE using public restrooms. I don't really know anyone that enjoys using them but I digress...

I drink a lot of tea and water during the day at work. A lot. Two liquids that keep you running to the bathroom every ten minutes. Anyway, it seems like every time I'm in there, pissing a river, the same coworker is in a nearby stall in distress. I mean, someone please call 911 distress. Whomever it is, is grunting and straining and I'm sure sweating bullets.

It sounds as if there should be a film crew, reenacting an episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant in there. My word.

My question for this mystery co-worker is why aren't you on a regular bowel movement schedule? Why are you often in the Ladies Room sounding as if you're giving birth? That's not lady like. What the hell are you eating?!? Obviously, there isn't enough fiber in your diet. I'm going to need for her to get on more regular schedule because what goes on there is scary and down right offensive.